


fake smiles real laughs

by jennshiki



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 02:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8039431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennshiki/pseuds/jennshiki
Summary: Keith notices some odd cuts on Lance's wrists





	fake smiles real laughs

It doesn’t make sense. That’s the first thought that crossed Keith’s mind when he saw the cuts.

-

Everything that Lance wore had sleeves, whether it was his paladin suit or his green jacket from earth. Keith never paid it much thought until he walked past Lance’s room one day. The doors happened to be open, and there was Lance, lying on his bed, seemingly asleep. No sleeves. No sleeves covering his scarred wrists. Keith’s eyes widened and he did a double take. Scars? From when, the battles? He leaned forward and peered through the door. No, there were cuts that he could tell were new. Recent. There hadn’t been any battles recent enough to cause cuts that fresh. A thought left a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. The cuts were a little too orderly to be accidental. Or was it just his imagination? Keith hoped so.

He took two quiet steps into Lance’s room to get a closer look. The cuts were all pretty shallow, although the more recent ones seemed a bit deeper than the old ones that had already started to heal. Keith’s mind desperately searched for an answer. Any answer other than the one that lingered in the back of his head. Perhaps it was an accident? That was probably it. Because the only other explanation Keith could come up with was impossible. Not for Lance.

-

After that incident, Keith found himself staring at Lance more. He was curious. Maybe a little worried? No, why would he be worried about Lance? Lance’s goofy grin flashed in Keith’s mind and he narrowed his eyes. He was curious. Where did those cuts come from? What was he hiding behind that dorky grin of his? Unfortunately, Lance caught on quickly and Keith's investigation was cut short.

It was at dinner when Keith was watching Lance out of the corner of his eye. It was fairly quiet. Just him, Lance, and Pidge who was on her computer. Allura and Coran were testing something with the castle, Shiro had finished earlier, and Hunk was in the kitchen experimenting.

Keith had been studying Lance for a few days, and noticed that Lance only ever wore long sleeves. He never rolled them up either, nor did he mention the scars. 

While observing though, he had unintentionally turned his head towards Lance and was now full on staring. Lance slurped up a spoonful of green alien goo and looked over at Keith, making eye contact. Keith swore in his mind the moment his eyes locked onto Lance’s blue ones. He immediately turned away at realization, his face heating up, but of course it was too late.

“Hey mullet-man, you’ve been staring at me quite a bit lately,” he teased. Then he dramatically gasped. “Perhaps you’ve finally fallen for my good looks?”

“As if,” spat Keith, scoffing. He didn’t offer to explain why he was staring at Lance in the first place.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not good enough for the all-mighty prodigy pilot Keith Kogane?” retorted Lance. His tone was the normal one he used when joking, but there was something else present under his words. Keith couldn’t put a word to it, but it was unsettling.

“Why do you feel the need to turn every single conversation we have into an argument,” sighed Keith, leaning back in his chair.

“We’re rivals. Arguing is what rivals do. Anyways, I bet you’re just jealous that I’m so much hotter than you,” responded Lance, raising his arm to strike a pose. 

As he did so, his sleeve rolled down slightly, revealing a few cuts. It took a few seconds for Lance to realize, but once he did, his arm flew back down onto the table with a bang. Though his smile wavered, it was still there, and none of the panic that was so clear in his eyes was shown on his face.

“Lance, what are you doing?” asked Pidge, glancing distastefully at the goo that had jumped out of Lance’s plate due to the shaking of the table.

“S-sorry haha. Well that’s enough dinner for me, I’m heading back to my room now,” he said quickly, his eyes switching from looking at Pidge to glancing at his wrist. He emphasized that stupid smile of his, as if trying to say that nothing was wrong. However, his eyes seemed duller than usual, and there was a flicker of what seemed like pain.

He stood up, and walked off with a casualness that seemed a little too forced. Pidge stared after him, a look of concern in her eyes.

“I’ll check on him,” volunteered Keith, standing up.

He quickly hurried after Lance. There was no use denying it, there was definitely something off about him.

-

Keith was not prepared to see what he saw next. Well, he was kind of expecting it, but imagining something and really seeing it in reality are two complete different things.

Keith entered Lance’s room just in time to catch Lance poised with a pocket knife held an inch above his wrist. He’d already made a shallow cut, and it was starting to bleed, the blood dripping down his arm.

“What the hell are you doing!?” yelled Keith.

His body moved on its own and he was at Lance’s side at once, pulling the knife away from him. Lance looked bewildered and embarrassed. Ashamed.

“I-it’s not what it looks like,” he stuttered, trying to discreetly hide his arms behind his back.

Keith wouldn’t let him. He reached forward and pulled Lance’s arms towards him. He stared at the cuts. It doesn’t make sense, is what he was thinking.

Lance, with his stupid smirk that seemed permanently etched onto his face. Lance, with his flirting. Lance with his ridiculous jokes. The Lance in his head didn’t match up with the Lance that sat in front of his eyes. The Lance in his head was happy. Lance was better when he was happy.

“Why?” he asked. It was the only thing he could think of to ask. Keith’s voice was hoarse, and he felt a lump in his throat.

Lance recoiled from Keith’s touch, pulling his arm away and sliding back. He smiled weakly at Keith, and it made Keith angry. Smiles were supposed to be happy. This forced smile of Lance's was unnatural and looked so out of place when matched with his sad eyes. 

“Stop that. Tell me,” said Keith, more forcefully.

The smile faded away. Lance refused to meet his eyes but began to talk.

“It’s not like you would understand. Back at the garrison and even now, you’re number one. The genius. I was stuck living in your shadow, and even more so after being promoted to fighter pilot," he started quietly. He seemed hesitant to go on, but continued anyways. "You’re a much better pilot, or so everyone keeps reminding me. You’re an important asset to the team. But me? I’m nothing special. I could be easily replaced. It doesn’t really matter if I disappear does it?” said Lance a bit louder, his words spilling out as if a bottle of water had started to overflow. The way he talked, it was like all these hidden thoughts were rocks that Lance was carrying. He didn't want to drop them, but once he started and felt the relief of having a lesser weight to carry, he wanted them all gone. 

Keith couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“How can you even say that?” he exclaimed, furious. He reached forward and grabbed Lance’s shoulders, staring into his sad blue eyes. The blue that once reminded Keith of a shallow puddle now looked more like a deep ocean that you can't see the bottom of, hiding all sorts of unknown things under the surface. “You’re Lance. No one can replace you, you’re one of a kind." Keith heard Lance scoff at that statement as if he'd heard it one too many times. Keith tightened his grip on Lance's shoulders, his fingers digging into the fabric of his jacket. 

"The team wouldn’t be complete without you. Sure we could find a new blue paladin, but it wouldn’t be the same! We couldn’t find a new Lance. You know that, right?” continued Keith, insistent.

Lance seemed unconvinced as he opened his mouth to speak. His words turned hard and angry, and they felt old. Like these were words that had been living in the confines of Lance's mind for a long time.

"You don't know how annoying it is when someone has everything you want and they don't even appreciate it! You don't know how it feels to be unneeded. You don't know how worthless it makes you feel when you're trying your best but no one's even looking at you." Lance winced at his outburst and sighed. “Why was I even chosen? There are countless of other pilots far more skilled than me." Lance let out a bitter laugh before continuing. "And being a hero is nice but sometimes I just want to go home.” He pushed away Keith’s hands, and stared down at the ground. Keith tried to ignore the tingling feeling he got when Lance’s hands touched his.

“I miss the sky. The beach,” whispered Lance, his eyes full of longing. “I miss my family. I miss the rain. I miss everything about earth. Everything I didn’t take the time to appreciate. And now I might never see any of those things again.”

Keith’s mind was completely blank. He didn’t know what to say. Being inexperienced with socializing, he had absolutely no idea what to do in a situation like this. So he did the only comforting thing he could think of, and pulled Lance into a hug.

Lance stiffened as Keith awkwardly wrapped his arms around him. Keith felt a little too conscious of Lance's face next to his own, and his breath on the back of his neck. For reason’s unknown to him, Keith’s heart was pounding hard and fast. Probably because he was nervous.

After a few seconds, Keith was contemplating on whether he should let go or not, when Lance relaxed and returned the hug. Their chests were lightly touching and Keith could feel that Lance’s heartbeat was almost as fast as his.

After a long while, they broke apart and stared at each other, embarrassed. Keith was acutely aware of how close they were, and he was about to inch away, when he noticed that Lance's eyes were glistening with un-shed tears.

“Um, thanks,” he mumbled, trying to blink the tears away.

“It’s okay to cry you know.”

Lance looked like he was about to say something snarky but then his tears overflowed and streamed down his tan face. He buried his head in his arms, trying to hide.

But Keith pulled Lance’s arms away from his face, forcing him to look up. He almost regretted it. Seeing Lance crying, looking so vulnerable and sad, made Keith want to cry too. His heart felt like it was about to shatter. What was this feeling? Pity? Empathy? Keith just wanted Lance to be happy. To smile a genuine smile. He never wanted Lance to cry again.

Once again, Keith found himself at a loss for words. He couldn’t stand watching Lance cry any longer though, despite being the one who told him that it was okay to cry. Keith leaned forward in an attempt to pull Lance back into a second hug, when something happened and Keith somehow ended up with his lips on Lance’s. His first thought was, oh shit. His second thought was, oh shit, why do I like this?

Lance stopped crying at once and went rigid. Both of their eyes were wide open, staring at each other, confused and startled. Keith had never been so close to someone’s face, and it was weird seeing all of Lance’s features so close up. 

The kiss was extremely awkward. In his head, Keith was frantically running through ways to explain this to Lance, but the kiss was scrambling his mind. He could barely think straight. However, the kiss ended up turning out like their hug did. As Keith was about to pull away, Lance relaxed and pulled Keith closer, if that was even possible. Keith blinked in surprise, and was overjoyed and relieved when he saw a familiar glimmer resurface in Lance's eyes, causing the sadness to disperse. Obviously it wasn't completely gone, but it was an improvement that Keith was thankful for.

It wasn’t much of a kiss really, it was sloppy and weird; obviously the work of two first-timers; but it was good. It felt right, not that he knew what a wrong kiss felt like. And when they pulled apart, Lance was wearing that smirk that Keith never knew he’d miss.

“I knew you couldn’t resist me,” said Lance, sticking out his tongue. He laughed at Keith’s baffled expression, and at how red his face was. Wiping away the last of his tears, he said “Keith, buddy, has anybody ever told you that you are a terrible kisser?”

And Keith just smiled (which made Lance wonder if Keith had gone crazy), because dear god he loved the guy and there was nothing he could do about that.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic so yeah /D it's not super good sorry ,,, pretty cheesy and lame but i trIED MY BEST !! Klance is my OTP and i don't normally make ship art OR write fics but i did both for this ship lmao because i have been sucked down into klance hell..
> 
> also i really don't like the ending but too lazy to think of anything better so sorry about that


End file.
